The Super Mario Galaxy Movie review: Death is coming for us all

We all have a finite amount of time on this Earth, and I cannot think of a single reason why you should spend any of yours on The Super Mario Galaxy Movie. It's not that it's the worst film I've ever seen, or even seen this year. It's that, despite its title, it is only a movie in the flimsiest, most meager sense of the word. It's a moving picture that tells a story, albeit incoherently. But more than anything, it is a tedious commercial for all things Nintendo. 

Look, I'm not going to pretend I'm above such animated ads masquerading as entertainment. I grew up in the '80s, when a barrage of animated shows and movies were launched for the sole purpose of selling fluffy toys and poseable action figures to kids. We had Care Bears, He-...